My Blog's goals

What I want to achieve in my blog is to express myself and share what God is teaching me, share my thoughts my hopes and dreams. To share my poems that God gives me and declarations that I learn that I think will help others on their journey to freedom. What I want to do is to encourage others to be the son or daughter that God has called them to be. I am studying a Leader Development Programme Year 1 through Global Legacy through Bethal Church in Redding California. I want to help set people free to help them in their journey of discovery. I have battled depression for many years and have been on medication for many years. I have been able to lower my dose by half and I am looking forward to the day that I am free from medication and are well emotionally I believe that can and will happen.

My Blog

Testimony

Those that know me well know of the battles I have had with mental health. I have battled depression now for many years more than I can remeber which is a good thing I think as I don't really want to ponder on that. Thats not what I want to focus on what I want to focus on is His amazing power and love that can set the captives free. I just want to honour God for His love and care of me bringing me to a point where I could leave my past in the past forgive those who had hurt me and be able to forgive myself a big step as I had beaten myself self up over the years for my broken marriage and two hurting girls one a teenager and the other a pre teen. Both grown women with families of their own husbands and children. Thanks to my friend Alex I was blessed to go to Manifest Presence Conference in Auckland just a couple of weeks back. It was on the second day the speak Michael Maiden said for those who suffered disappointment and depression to stand up.He said one key for dealing with depression is forgiveness so I stood there going threw my list of people I had already forgive but I though hey just forgive them again, so there is my mum and dad, my ex the kids and Mark just incase but there I it came to me forgive yourself. So I said I forgive myself, I forgive myself over and over then all of a sudden it was like someone clicked their fingers over my head may it was God only he knows and the power of the Holy Spirit fell on me and I started moving forward and backwards upder the power of the Holy Spirit there was a couple of times I thought I was going to tip over backwards. This went on for some time but when I stopped I was free set free from things that have held me for years. I am currantly dropping my antid-depressants down to half. Next time I see my Doctor I will talk about coming of them, I'm thinking its been 16 years or more I've been on my medicatiom. I'm excited as I thought due to emotional breakdowns I might be on it for the rest of my life. I'm going to be free from those tablets very shortly can't wait.

By De O'Neil

Revelation on true repentance

I had a revelation last night about repentance true repentance. Been reading Bill Johnston book face to face with God  if we love God like truly like passionately love Him and love being in His presence then we will not want to break that precious relationship so if we sin we repent from that place of love of Him and our connection to Him. I never saw repentance that way before. That is so cool I had to share this. I am at times a little late comer on things but I love learning something new.
Also I have started to seek God for visions, pictures I have had some pictures they are like a blink of an eye and gone I've not been able to hold them there in my mind. They don't happen very often so Bill was saying is there something in God you want then passionately go after it. For years I have longed to see and Angel just to lay eyes on one and admire God's handy work but this has alluded me but I will start seeking it and see where it takes me. God has blessed me with word pictures saying all the things that pop into my head. Last night was amazing time with God talking and thinking of my friends mum who had just died that day. Will not seeing it as it unfolded but knowing every word and emotion as they welcomed her home. I want share anymore than that cos it's for my friend. But knowing I'm blessed to imagine things how they would seen. Listen to this. I'm meeting Jesus in this beautiful field there is a stream and the water sound it music to a song I love to pray in tongues to and sing. I see Him standing there watching me a smile on his lips and laughter as I dance and around singing the song "show me your glory". He claps His hands it's like thunder all of a sudden all these amazing butterflies start flying around me. I have do much joy and love in that moment standing there with my Saviour. Anyway that's just a tiny bit. I hope you were able to the the picture of that or are inspired to create you own time with Jesus I can't not see any of what I described but I feel the excitement of the words as the play out. I'm m thinking that might be my longest post yet. 
By De O'Neil

What is really important to us.

I know its been awhile since I blogged.... We have had such a lot going on in our lives at present. We have had Mark's mum staying with us and a health scare with Mark, blood test and a xray to see if there is thing wrong also a breath test to see what damage is done to his lungs from all the years smoking. Coughing up blood and lack of breath and if he might have the C however that word will not be spoken over my husband so please don't say the word. Mark is trying to give up smoking and struggling to do so but praise God he has been able to cut down so that is progress and moving in the right direction. So with all that going it can really put things into focus. I did the normal freak out and got those close to me to pray. What I didn't do much was pray myself, I don't want to make excuses for myself. But I am aware that after all this time I still don't run to God when things get bad. This is an area I need to work from. So as I sit here in feeling yuck with thee a virus or whatever I have got that I need to do more in spending time with my heavenly Father and less on other things like face book and watching things on line. I watched the War Room today and I was struck that I don't spend eough time in prayer and seeking God.'ve not really prayed for my husband, I could be declaring from from smoking and addictions over my husband. Is it possible to declare freedom and deliverance for someone else? I am going to seek some guidance on that and get back to you on this. One person I did ask said no that Mark needs to seek that for himself. Pappa Daddy I need your help and your widom in the best way I can to help Mark break free from addictin of smokes and to walk in freedom in you. Please show me the way to go I ask in Jesus name Amen.
If you have not had a chance to see the War Room I give it the thumbs up. To many people are allowing the enemy to steal, kill and distory its time to take back what is ours by right and fight for our families, friends and for those who have not meet Jesus yet. Not the Jesus they think they may know, but the Jesus I know and love the one who set me free and delived me from smoking. The Jesus that always loves us even if we feel we don't deserve it He is alway there, always loving us alawy interceding on our behalf. I want to be more like you Jesus and less like me.
By De O'Neil

Breaking Chains

Yesterday I meet a friend for coffee and we has a lovely time talking and catching up.During our time together we spoke things that hold us back from during a job that needs to be done. While she chatted I clicked my fingers and said "its broken" what is broken she asked the issue is said with a slight laugh. I explained that I have all these hammers that God has given me they are all different sizes. I said I have these hammers and all I need from God to break a stronghold. She said when we are out of here can you pray for me? I said sure, so in front of my car on Cambridge street in Richmond I placed my hand upon her head and started praying I was sensing movement around me and blocked that rise of embassement that tried to stop me. I spoke to the issue and delcared that isue broken and that fear wouldn't hold her back from and spoke Shalom peace over my dearest friend. She was blessed and said that there had been a shift praise God.
So what I want to say is take the risk and pray for that thing that God puts in your heart. If someone asked you to pray and you feel I'm not sure I am equiped to do that will then ask God to give you the tools and he will give you what you need Luke 11:10-13
By De O'Neil

Funny how things change in what is important to us the closer we get to God

I was doing a online assesment that was attached to the weekly enouragement for LDP1 it is a spiritual gift test called descover your destiny. Alex got me to do it as she reckoned she knew what gifting I have lol funny thing was she was correct!!! What I noticed as I went through the 10 questions and put he answers order that best showed my desires and found out something odd. Things that were once important to me no longer mattered as they once did. My goals and desires have changed the closer I am to God all the little things have dropped off like I use to care how others saw me, I wanted everyone to like me. Cos I am a fun, full of laughter and nice to hang out with but I couldn't understand why some people at work didn't like me. I struggled with that for a long time, I've been a people pleaser most of my life. My parents lost their first baby He was a stillborn their one and only boy, every other baby born to our Nuttall household was a girl 5 in total. As a child I tried to fit that gap I was plain looking and really was mistaken for a boy most on my early life. There comes a time when you just have to say I cannot make everyone happy I cannot make all people like me. God made me who I am! I am intelligent, fun, a worshipper I have an odd sense of houmour I laught at nearly anything and sometimes at the wrong time, I am a hard worker, I am an encourager I am an evangelist, I am a woman of the heart, I care about the lost and hurting the list goes on. These days I am not concerned if someone at work doesn't like me cos I like me I love me God loves me. So to those who don't like me I say to my self tough cos I'm awesomely and wonderfully made. My Pappa Daddy doesn't make rubbish He creates amazing people that have talents and He grows them so they can point other in the right direction. I am beautiful inside and out hands down I am truly an awesome daughter of my Pappa Daddy I'm a princess and I make my Daddy proud all the time even when I make a mistake he still thinks I'm great and loves still. Sorry I digress so the online assesment said I am a recruiter (evangelist) Anton told me so many times at Firestarter you are a revivalist De and not only just a revivalist you afre a leader of revivalist. So lookout world revival is going to happen!!!! Its started in my heart and from me others are going to catch the fire in their hearts too.

 
By De O'Neil

Authority and Healing

While talking with my prayer partner, after a time of catching up and praying in a different way than we normally would we released and spoke Gods truth over each other. Releasing Gods gifts I declearecd athority over her. We talked about healing and authority and how that can look. The reason I am bringing this up is because it has been on my mind lately about cancer and my some people are healed and others are not. This is a touchy area to talk about I know most people these days know someone that has died from cancer whether they are a loved one like a spouse or a sibling or even a child. Cancer does not discriminate race, creed, age or how wealthy someone is, it comes and distories lives, homes and families. I know many good men and women who were Christ's followers that have passed away. The question is why does God heal some and not others from cancer??? Lets look at healing what kinds of healings there are? Will there is phyical right, and spiiritual healing, what about emotional healing, healing in the mind and the heart. The thing is that we don't know why some are healed phyically and some are taken home. The thing I'm pondering on is the ones he is taking home what healing have they had? You know what I think? I think two things one is that God has more than likely healed a lot that we don't see. As on lookers of a person dying from cancer we look with our eyes. They have had to go through surgery maybe and kemo and maybe radiation treatment. They have had to come to grips that they aren't going to be around to see little Susie get married or meet their grandchildren and watch them grow up. There must be healing within them that brings them to the place that they can let go and let God take them home. Secondly I think the ultimate healing is going home to be with the Lord.
By De O'Neil

The Gleaming from Church today

Couple of things happened at Church today one was I stuck on data projector at church during one of the worship songs the urge was so great to dance before the Lord that I was tempted to leave the sound booth and dance. Funny how last week I felt Him say dance for me and when I was serving as data projectionist I wanted to fly off and dance for dance for Him.
Yvonne was speaking this am her message was around turning disappointment about she spoke about Nehemiah and how long it took to build the wall of Jerusalem was I think she said 52 days wow that is amazing this man Nehemiah put a team together and even though the enemy tried to stop him at every turn they built those walls up.  One of the slides that she had put up that caught my eye and attention was simply....

dis-appointment
no- reappointment!!!!

How about that turn a disappointment into an opportunity! wow I was talking to a friend today that has struggled with listening to lies. I tell you this cos I want you to catch the truth in this little saying when the enemy reminds you of your past remind him of his future. This is a note to myself too but what I wold like to say is hey satan I wouldn't be worring about my past if I was you! I would be worring about your future. Bam right in the gut for him. Its funny in a strang sort of way how we can get caught up in an old thought pattern or feeling over something that is dropped into our mind. Holy Spirit I give you permission to remind me to keep my eyes on what my Father is doing. Is he worried about the enemies plans ?? Nope cos  Psalms tells us Psalms 1:6  For the Lord knows the way of the righteous. But the way of the ungodly will perish.(Psalms 1:6) Something to remember I reckon no weapon formed against us will propser. And every tongue that accuses you in judgement agaonst you  shall ondemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their righteousness is from Me," Says the Lord (Isaiah 54:17) So we win the enemy loses everytime. Ok its back to work tomorrow have a blessed day and week and I'll post again soon x
By De O'Neil

Keep Your Love On

Last night I went to Keep Your Love On its  course Mark and i are attending it has been an eye opener for me. I struggle sharing my heart with Mark as I don't always get a good response as I don't always use the right words especially around money and smoking it ends in a fight. It isn't always easy to keep your love on but it's a choice we both have made to help make our marriage better and stronger. what I learnt last night was to use i-messages as ... I feel hurt when you ignore my suggesting and I need to know that I am heard and understood. Great way of dealing with a heart that's is easily hurt. Mark is very sensitive and I need to remember that when we are trying to sort out an issue. Anyone that has been in a marriage breakdown and gone through a divorce or any relationship breakdown comes away with baggage Keep You Love On has helped show me where I am going wrong and gives me tools to correct my behaviour. I don't have anything super wise to say but I think it's up to us to own our mistakes and for our spouse to own his mistakes and not pass the buck lol. That didn't sound right. Anyway much love to you all de x
By De O'Neil

Monday and Tuesday

Monday... I want to share a wee bit about the start of my working day yesterday. A co worker asked how I was and I started to say tired but I stopped before I finished the word and I said I am good thank you and I am going to have a great day and I did. Our new co worker was meant to start on Monday and there was a mix up but I thought its cool cos we are going to get through  our work just ok. Now the reason I am telling you this is like I said in my first post my Mantra was I'm tired or I'm depressed or both. Now if I hadn't stopped myself from telling Kirsty I was tired then my day could have been so different.

Tuesday.... I was talking to my prayer partner today that I have come to a place in my walk that I can see the gold in people I don't have to really look or go um Daddy whats the gold in that person I'm really wrapped about this growth in my life. Another thing that I have been made aware of in the last week is that people are hungry for encouagement. I said to another friend last week you are an amazing women of God, she later told me no one has ever told her that before. I am going to make it my goal over the rest of the week to encourage people a much as possible.
By De O'Neil

Sunday Morning at Church.

This morning at Church during worship I got the prompting to dance I was thinking wouldn't it be cool if people were set free by my obeidence and my self conscious overweight thinking stopped me I opted out. I felt a bit stink but I'm grateful that my Pappa Daddy knows me and loves me so He gave me another prompting this time a word and as the excitement built as it does when God is giving me a word to share I had "come to me come and take all I have for you", funny thing is that wasn't what I shared I got out my phone and looked for a poem that I am hoping will one day be a song. I was just what he wanted my to share. My excitement grew as it does when prophecy is about to take off, this is what I shared ...
Jesus you call my name, you come to me with open arms, ready to claim as your own. Your child, your bride spotless and clean for you. Jesus you gave your life, so I could be free from sin. I come, I come to be undone made afresh and anew, your chosen bride. There you stand, the lover of my soul, the one who cherishes me and nothing can separate that love from.

This was written in Church during a sermon that I should have been listening to but those words came to me that day 22.05.16 each time He shares a word or a poem with me I am brought closer and closer in my heart towards His heart His amazing love.
By De O'Neil